Winter Retreat

Very soon I will be leaving for winter retreat with my youth group. Every year, this has been my favorite winter activity (well, besides Christmas).

Our youth group takes a trip to East Iowa Bible Camp. We stay in air conditioned cabins, connect through different activities, go to sessions where we learn about God, and drink lovely amounts of hot chocolate.

This time my friend Lauren and I are leading music worship. We have practiced the last two weekends and gathered a couple of songs to play and a couple of songs to teach. One of the songs is called "Hungry" by Kathryn Scott. It is a beautiful song about coming broken to God and waiting for His healing. I'm really excited to share it with the rest of our youth group.

Recently I've been learning about using gentleness and patience in really tough situations. It is definitely a very hard lesson especially since I've been so used to reacting in an unpatient, ungentle way. Each care that gets thrown at me, I am told to be patient.

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord." ~Psalm 27:14

David who initially said this had a ton of hard things to deal with: his best friend's dad was so jealous that he tried to kill him, he went up against a giant with just a sling and a couple of stones, his dad didn't really care for him....the list goes on. I can really learn from his example among others how to treat those who treat me in a not so loving way. Because like Paul said,

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." ~Romans 12:21

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Broken World

Little girl of sixteen years
Heart as broken as can be
And it's so hard to hide your tears
When you feel so lonely

When everyone has let you down
And there are no more tears to cry
And there is no where else to run
Run to God. He'll lift you high
Yeah, He's lifted me on high

The mom that prays with all her might
Her son is fighting in the war
It's hard for her to sleep at night
Her cares aren't easy to ignore

When she receives her first letter
And he says everything's okay
She feels so much better
She knows that God planned it that way
She knows that God will make a way

All the children sit in Haiti
Look to us with fearful eyes
Though the earth rained down upon them
All their mouths are running dry

And where was God when they fell down?
And where was God when their mothers lost their hope?
I think I'll know where He'll be
He'll be welcoming them home
Yeah, He was welcoming them home

"He will cover you with His pinions, And under His wings you may seek refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark."
~Psalm 91:4 (NASB)

Time

I haven't had much time to blog recently on account that my life has been filled with school and extra-cirricular activites. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the somewhat hecticness of everything I get to do in the average day....I even sometimes like going to school for learning's sake, but it's really nice to just sit and relax, or lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling and think about things, or play guitar with no real purpose except just to play the guitar.

Junior year, I had a problem with having too many things to do, and not enough time to do them. I had a couple of hard classes in school which devoted a good chunk of my home time to homework; I had a job every day of the week except for weekends; I started to become more involved in my church with youth group leadership team and worship team; on top of all that, I had to feed myself and get sleep. I never had any time to sit and recollect about what had happened during the day or play guitar for the sake of playing guitar or think about how I could further my walk with God. It was kind of depressing and really tiring. Though I enjoyed all the things I did, I left out a couple of important things: God time and me time.

The first being the most important. The summer after my junior year, I went off to Japan. My relationship with God was soo unkept that I only read the Bible twice in a two and one half week period and usually only prayed before meals. It was disgusting. Within one week of getting back from Japan, I was going on a missions trip to Chicago. I was so unprepared. That was one of the most spiritually challenging weeks of my life. I learned a lesson though, and I learned it by taking a run in the morning by Lake Michigan with my friend Lauren.

So as most of you who know me probably know...I don't run very far worth a squat. I really like running with people, but those people usually outrun me easily and quickly. One morning on the mission's trip, I was invited to go on a run with three other girls from the youth group. We started all together, but I very soon fell behind because I hardly ever run. Lauren kindly took the initiative to be my partner and "run" with me while the other two sprinted ahead and became small dots along the horizon. Lauren and I got to talk about a lot of things. After running/walking for however many miles (it seemed), we went back to the college campus we were staying at, and showered. My body hurt all over for the next two days.

"Where's the lesson in that?" you may ask. I knew there was a reason I went on the run in the morning and hurt all over for the next two days, and I sought to find it. God showed me in the free time we were given each day on the missions trip to recollect what we had been learning in the lessons. Technically, the same thing that happened before, on, and after the run was happening in my spiritual life. I didn't take time to follow after God, so when I walked into a tough situation, I broke down and felt sorry for myself rather than glorifying God and serving Him. I had spent soo much time doing things for myself in Japan and so little time with God, that when I went on a mission's trip, all I could think about was myself. Pitiful.

For the next three weeks after missions trip, God was able to feed my soul and reteach me things that I had put away in the past. I worked at East Iowa Bible Camp for three weeks and learned a good many things.

1. How to make a really big batch of monster cookies.
2. Wash your hands a lot.

3. Never walk in the camp kitchen area without shoes.

4. How to clean a urinal.

5. How to make the impossible shot

6. Never to go down a zip line fully clothed at night.

....and so on and so forth. While I was at camp, I learned a lot of things about walking with God, too. One is how to truly worship Him while you're leading music worship in front of a lot of people. Another is that I don't know everything there is to know about the Bible; in fact, the more I read it, the more there is to understand.

So yeah. Over the summer I learned a lot about prioritizing my life. God taught me a lot through my busyness and my idleness as well.

This year, I've decided to limit myself to only a couple of things at a time so I won't lose track of what really matters. Though I'm still quite busy, I'm not nearly as busy as last year. I have time to do devotions and pray, and today I had time to play guitar for the sake of playing guitar.

"One hand full of rest is better than two fists full of labor and striving after wind."

~Ecclesiastes 4:6

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Where You Are

I don't know why this is happening
It's the opposite of what I need
I want to love You with all of my heart
But my body's tearing us apart

It's the same thing again
I'm drowning inside of my sin

And I just want to be where You are
Lord, cradle me in Your arms
Take away my pain
Let me live for You again
You're all I need, capture my heart

'Want a faith that throws away my fears
Faith that washes Your feet with my tears
Faith that lets the blind man see, faith that makes the mute man sing
Faith that holds me together through all the suffering

Here I break down again
I stretch my hands toward the heavens

Cause I just want to be where You are
Lord, cradle me in Your arms
Take away my pain
Let me live for You again
You're all I need, just take my heart

The holes in Your hands and feet
Scream a love that burns on for me
There's nothing that I can do
I'm fixing my eyes on You

Cause I just want to be where You are
Lord, it's in Your wings, I'm safe from every sinful harm
You take away my pain, You wipe away my suffering
You're all I have, You're all I want, there's nothing else
You're in my heart

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Psalm 139

O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O LORD, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,"
Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.

For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother's womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You.

O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.
For they speak against You wickedly,
And Your enemies take Your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
I hate them with the utmost hatred;
They have become my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.

(NASB)

Busyness

Today I started to fill out my FAFSA. Next year, I super hope to go to John Brown University, but it costs like $25000 a year. What to do? I'm thinking about getting a job somewhere like TJ Maxx or something, but my mom keeps telling me that I don't have time for a job. I have FCA every Monday, Guitar Club on Tuesdays, Worship Team and Youth Group on Wednesdays, and Church on Sundays, not to mention the various activities for FCA and Youth Group that happen over the weekends...so yeah, my mom is pretty much right...as usual :)

Speaking of Youth Group stuff happening over the weekend...I'm super excited for the end of this month because the last weekend is WINTER RETREAT! Each and every year that I have been in Sr. High youth group I've gone on winter retreat. We travel to a camp in the middle of Iowa (aka in the middle of no where) and have fun fellowshipping and worshipping God for a weekend. It's one of my favorite, if not my most favorite, thing that the youth group does.

This year I'm leading worship with my friend Lauren. We're both a little hesitant at doing so because each and every year our youth group usually invites a special band or group to come in and lead worship for us. Lauren and I usually lead worship on Wednesday nights, but it's nice to get out of the norm sometimes. If we have the right heart in this though, it should be good.

This is sad....I'm currently watching the Patriots bomb it up against Baltimore. If you don't know, the Patriots have been my team since the 3rd grade. I used to go to Isaac Newton Christian Academy, and our mascot was the Patriot, so the team stuck with me. :) But yeah, it's 21-zippo right now, which makes me sad.. anyways..

I've been working my way through CS Lewis' Mere Christianity lately. It's a good book. It's really hard to read. His writing style is somewhat difficult to understand...for me anyways, but I can tell that he's a super intelligent man. I was reading it last night and a line stuck out to me.

"I may repeat 'Do as you would be done by' tell I am black in the face, but I cannot really carry it out till I love my neighbour as myself: and I cannot leaern to love my neighbour as myself till I learn to love God: and I cannot learn to love God except by learning to obey Him."
~CS Lewis

"Jesus answered and said to him, 'If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to himand make Our abode with him.'"
~John 14:23

This is what I've been learning about in my walk with God lately...that I need to have my heart in the right place. If I don't do everything for God, then I am doing everything for myself.

I have to go and do homework and housework now.
God loves you! Have a great day!

Good Works

Recently, God has been teaching me about doing good deeds and being thoughtful towards other people. This is what He has shown me: to do it for the Lord, not to look good in other people's eyes. There are a couple of verses that really reach out to me about this:

"For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ."
~Galatians 1:10

"Slaves, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ, not by way of eyeservi ce, as men-pleasers, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart."
~Ephesians 6:5-6

"Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve."
~Colossians 3:23-24

Yeah, I liked to be praised for doing something out of the blue, but I need to focus on what really matters. God should be my first priority.
There's an acronym about this. JOY. J is for Jesus, O is for Others, and Y is for You. Without realizing it, I was spelling this acronym backwards because helping others ultimately made me feel good when I got praise for it.
I confess this needs to change, so if ever I do a good deed for ya'll, you don't have to thank me. Thank God instead. All the glory goes to Him because He is the definition of goodness!

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HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I really like this time of year, with all the parties and noise-makers and whistles and such. The thing I like most about new year's is making resolutions. It's invigorating to have a whole new year to do something dramatic with my life and to have some place to start. There are a few things that I thought were too important to wait till new year's day to start, and I hope to finish those in the upcoming year too.

Last night I got to spend the night with one of my role models. Haley is one of those types of people that I learn from whenever I am around her. She encourages me so much, and with discernment, I can say that she has a heart blazing for God. Our conversations were filled last night with Jesus, biblical passages, hard questions, and prayer. We touched on a lot of topics that made me reflect deeply upon my life and God. You should meet her if you haven't, because she is super awesome.

Have a Happy New Year! And remember God loves you!